Choices

On this amazing day, a white-gold sunlight Easter day, I thought I'd share a story that is a little more personal than I usually share in this blog. I hope this will be okay :) It isn't a religious story (though I am a religious woman) and it isn't an "adult" story (though, some would argue, I am a grown up). It's just a personal story.

Sometimes, as parents, we have to make decisions we never thought we would. Actually, becoming a parent completely changed me as a person -- emotionally, politically, spiritually and, of course, physically :)

Yesterday's choice was one about schooling. Faith needed a specific package of curriculum that her brother hadn't needed and so we didn't own it. I sat down and looked at our bills. I sat down and looked at my desk. I stood up and walked to my jewelry box. There was a time in my life (prior to having two amazing children) that I was a young woman who had a certain affinity for diamonds. Not really a surprise, no? (Okay, of those of you who know me as the jeans-and-animal-hat-wearing rough-and-tumble mama, maybe that will be a surprise.) I took the last of these sparkling things out of my jewelry box and took a quiet moment to remember the beautiful Valentine's Day that was attached to the pendant. I realized that the memory of that day was far more important -- and far brighter -- than any diamonds.

I excused myself and drove alone to the only pawn shop I know that's open on Saturday.

An hour later I had the cash to deposit so I could order the curriculum Faith needs. She was gracious, excited, and so grateful... her face was another bright memory and I fell in love with having children all over again.

"Ghost Sniffers" does not pay us. It never has. And unless the show is picked up by a network, I assume it never will pay the crew. But... at the same time... the show DOES pay us.

I have seen an enormous change in my children since we began "Ghost Sniffers." Maxwell is more confident and proud of himself. Faith is far less embarrassed and ashamed of her pump. These are things that I've tried to help them gain their entire lives -- literally. These are things that I've seen build up and then crash down in the face of bullies or careless comments by strangers in grocery stores. Like the saying goes: So many things we give our children have price tags but, in the end, the real gifts are priceless.

Sometimes it's hard to juggle life and the show and two little ones with delicate health and three grown ups living in one house who are all trying their best, always knowing that their best, sometimes, won't be good enough. But other days, like today, I woke up to the sound of Cris making coffee and Brianne telling the kiddos the rules of the egg hunt, and suddenly, everything seemed... PERFECT.

Joyous Easter to everyone.

Jennifer